WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
