Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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