Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
