So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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