When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
