The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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