When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
