I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
