Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
