Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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