You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
