Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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