We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
