Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
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