His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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