i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
There's even glitter on my cock...
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