I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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