First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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