ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
