I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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