ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize