I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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