What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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