we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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