I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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