his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
