My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
