We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
