He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
