If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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