I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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