WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
