I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
