I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
