I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
