me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i think im in europe. pls send help
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
