so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
