just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
