she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
