he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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