So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
