I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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