If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just had sex on a roof
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
