Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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