I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
