I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
