he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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