K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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