I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
