she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
