did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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