Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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