i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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