I love how my cats smell like pot.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
