Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
