He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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