Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
