Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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