I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
