Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Duck Duck Cougar?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
