He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
