She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
