we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
