I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize