DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's official drugs can't kill me
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
