You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
