the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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