What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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