He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
