i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
