someone threw a dead crab at me
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize