All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize