your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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