I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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