hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
