Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
