I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
