then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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