I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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