That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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