I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Randomize
