K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
