we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
