Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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