why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
