shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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