Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
