at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
