you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
