Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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