Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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