I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
