Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
where are my eyebrows?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
