this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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