farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
