I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
