i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
