Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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