You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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