I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize