Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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