I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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